Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
