after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
