No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
