After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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