So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
