Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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