It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
