I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
