I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
