i just made my gag reflex go away.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
