don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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