I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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