He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
