She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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