ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
