It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
