bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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