oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize