I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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