So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize