Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When are your genitals available?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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