im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
