Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
