sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
