Im at strip club and am horny
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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