The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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