nutella sex= disaster
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
