But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
