2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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