Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
