if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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