life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
