Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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