I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
