I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
