Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
