i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize