I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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