I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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