whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
