So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
