You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She's the barista slut.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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