I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
