So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
