yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
