Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
