Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize