The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She bit a glass in half.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He did a backflip because drugs
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