Your mouth is God's brothel.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it hurts more in the daytime
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
