she looked like the before picture.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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