I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
