I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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