i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
