just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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