remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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