Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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