so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
