We're facebook friends in real life
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
