I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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