What did we do last night that was yellow?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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