OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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