Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
