kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Semen is not good for contacts.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
