Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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