Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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