My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
