I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
