what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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