bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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