the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
