I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
